thought some of these were comical, so i figured id post
Being simple creatures, men are just happier people --
Your last name stays put.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you,
He or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color..
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look..
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
On December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
NICKNAMES
* If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other
Laura, Kate and Sarah.
* If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each
other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman .
EATING OUT
* When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even
though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and
none will actually admit they want change back.
* When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
* A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
* A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on
sale.
BATHROOMS
* A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving
cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
* The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A
man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
* A woman has the last word in any argument.
* Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
* A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
* A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE
* A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
* A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
* A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash,
answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
* A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
* Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
* Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
* Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret
fears and hopes and dreams.
* A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people
remembering the same thing!
12/12/2011, 8:25 pm
